I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
