Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
