I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
