i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
