your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
