I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
