What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
