ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
