i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
