i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
