he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
