he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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