Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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