i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
