I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
