the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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