after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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