Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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