idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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