I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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