dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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