somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
