yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
