i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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