You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
