I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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