i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
