One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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