Soap is not a condiment
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
