I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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