Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i came on her dog
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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