By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
