I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
