i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
