I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You dont lie about slip and slides
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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