Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
