Duck Duck Cougar?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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