fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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