Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
