So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
