I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
