upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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