My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
