Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
