she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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