Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
