i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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