i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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