I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
