Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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