Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
