yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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