On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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