you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He has the fingertips of a God
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