Me too!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
