So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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