I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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