can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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