How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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