are you so shy because you have an std?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
