Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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