Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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