Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
where are you?
Hypothermia
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
