Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
