With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
