Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
